So apparently I'm on the long road in ttc.   We've tried surgery (8 months later ta dah I'm still the only one not pregnant).  We would love to adopt or do IVF, but that is no where near in the cards for us (15,000 by time figure in testing).  I have been debating more if we would do better being a childless couple.  It's not at all what I want, but when you are faced with so many decisions its very hard.  I've had several close friends offer to even be a surrogate (surrogacy is 20K).  I'm to the point where I stay depressed 99.9 % of the time which is = to the likelyhood of us not having a baby.  My family don't get it, his family don't get it, friends don't get it.  I wish I knew how to crochet a network of tears because that's how I feel sometimes. Infertility is hard but going on nearly 60 months is even harder.  I see daily 'infertility" WE ARE PREGNANT announcements.  At first, I have to admit it didn't bother me.  Know, Going through two I believe projects and trying to be a finalist and attending every IVF "free" seminar trying to gamble for a win it keeps getting harder and harder.  Its hard to hold your head up high when you see someone else win something that you want so bad.  My heart aches when I see people who have done numerous treatments and didn't click that they weren't getting pregnant and didn't do more testing until there's a contest (convenient).  I have learned alot from people who have done alot of IVFs.  Do testing first :) :D :) Nk CGH whatever you can do through in the rug.  I've been spotting this week which makes it even that much harder. Most people would be throwing a party to take a pregnancy test in Dec. I plan on just relaxing and hoping that I have the strength to see a negative right before DH birthday.  My cycles are so off.  If I don't have another cycle this year, I will have had 5 cycles for 2013 (including the 2 after surgery and the very long 1 before surgery).  I HATE ENDO/Adenomyosis and PCOS insulin resistance.  I haven't ate a sandwich in so long or even done anything bad "not even mexican cheese dip" (which I love and its really hard not to go to resteraunts).  Sometimes I feel all alone, but I know my child will be better off once he/she is on her way.  I know God has a plan for me, but I'm still working on the who, what, when, how myself.